tears for fears

all my life
they told me to be strong
maybe without words
but always in expectation
they told me to grow up
to take care of myself
by myself
to force a smile
and deal with it
to hold it in
and not be a burden
so i did
i was strong
i grew up
i took care of myself
i forced a smile
i dealt with it
i held it in
i was not a burden

but now
i know you
and you say
it's ok
you don't need to be strong
stay a child
i'll take care of you
be upset
dislike this situation
let it out
you are not a burden

so here i am
breaking open
feeling the tears rise
in public?
what am i thinking?
but people come around me
they pray for me
they love me
they recognize this deep deep pain that they cannot know about
but they do know it breaks me
my family holds me
my tears flow free
they still tell me i am strong
but not because i do not cry
but because i do cry
i feel those feelings
i come
face
to
face
with my
fears
and i look them in the eyes
instead of ignoring them
instead of looking away
and i do what they hate worst of all
i share them
i am exposed
i am vulnerable
i am loved
i am crying
i am not afraid

i miss you