The Never-ending Story

One question answered and not even
24 hours
until another one just like it arises
same question
different person
different place
if i could bottle up all the self doubt
that constantly sits on my shoulders
making me heavier and slower
and put it in a rocket and send it off
where it would float around to bother
no
one

i
would

the cycle continues
loneliness is not a thing
or even a state of being or of mind
it is a place, and a live monster
one that comes out at night
or early in the morning
or anytime you say goodbye
and even if you know you have someone
who will always love you
it manages to creep in
in the silence
where we find ourselves most exposed
stripped of our shell of shiny paint
and our cushy padding and insolation
until we are in
isolation
exposed to the elements
left to the howling wind
and the drenching rain
and the searing sun
until at last we have rusted
and worn down
to but our empty cores
and loneliness, that monster
sits and watches
protected by the things it has taken from us
though it is there
it is not company
and i'm sure you know this
it is a simple truth
it is not about how many are around you
but about who is around you
a stuffy crowded room can be more lonely
than an open empty field

and access to the world
full of people
with no one to talk to
is the
loneliest
of all

Heart it races

sometimes i wish i was the only one on this world
for just a minute or two
so i could yell at the top of my lungs
sing whatever i want
run for as long as i want
and say whatever i want to say
with no consequences
no one to complain
no one to comment
no one to care
then i feel like the very truest me
would be exposed
i would become so vulnerable
so translucent that tears would mean
exactly what they are meant to
and singing would sound
its purest
and yelling would be
the most expressive
and i would be
me

then i would want the rest of the world back
so that i could live knowing that the very core of me
had been set free
and no one had experienced it or known it
my potential was let loose
and my character went running
and now it is all hidden inside of me
as i smile
content

The Past

the questions are always there
no matter your state of life
but is it a pandora's box
to be opened if you venture
for the answers?

or is it considered closure

dangerous

selfish

I don't know

is it all just poetic justice
coming to bite us in the butt
or is it bigger than that
or smaller
or non existant