My own darkness

I own my very own darkness

I cage him every day

I lock him up tightly

So he cannot run away

On very lonely nights

I'm compelled to let him roam

The place that is my refuge

Those nights he calls his home

He creeps into the corners

He stands against the wall

He's nothing close to tame

He won't answer if you call

Most nights I have my courage

Most nights I have my strength

and I battle my own darkness

Right back into his cage

But some nights the world gets heavy

The air gets thick and cold

And only on those nights

My darkness becomes bold

He rips me from the outside

He withers me within

He booms out malicious laughter

All I can do is cringe

But if I sit there still

If I can barely breathe

My darkness will get bored

Eventually he'll leave

He'll sulk into his cage

He'll close his own locked door

And even then I'll stay

Just sitting on the floor

Time will move quick then slow

I'll gather up the pieces

My soul will regroup 

My courage slowly increases

I'll crawl back to the cage

Make sure the lock is tight

Then crawl into my bed

And bid my darkness goodnight

Passion

I know on the outside I seem tame

But inside I am passionate

And what is passion

But fighting for what you love

Justice

Truth

Love

Hope

Faith

Honor

Art

Expression

Individuality

Freedom

And fighting against what you hate

Abuse

Lies

Darkness

Cruelty

Divisiveness

Corruption

Limitations

My passion runs deep

It flows thick

It beats furvently

And fuels like fire

I am

Not tame

Named

The Internet is tricky

It lets you ask questions

Maybe you shouldn't ask

It gives you quizzes

With quantifiable answers

To your prohibited questions

And then it names you

Based on the loosely found number

To the question you shouldn't ask

And then, if you are like me

You take that name and sit

And sit and sit

Until you have convinced yourself

That that misspelled name

By that misguided quiz

From that misplaced question

Is scientifically irrefutable

And you live accordingly

Named but unknown

With more questions 

To unadvisably ask

That tricky Internet

Dang that webmd.

To my squishy faced friend

You are so young

The world is ahead of you

And for reasons only God knows

We have had a short connection

But in that time my heart has been tied

I can hear your thoughts

I can read your heart

And now I can imagine your future

Someday you will sink into these talents

You will grow into the incredible shoes you are slowly filling

And you will be great

And from that place, looking from the future back to the present

From those eyes I tell you

You are amazing

You are fantastic

You are so special

I can't wait for you to catch up to yourself

And look back and hear my words

And see for yourself what I can see

But until then please accept my sincerest compliments

Hide them away

Embrace them

And run, run with what you have

Let the abandon outweigh the fears and insecurities

Dive in and teach

Hold tightly and fly

Let go and grow

You are so young

But one day you won't be

And then you will see

What I see:

You are amazing

You are fantastic

You are so special

And you will be great

The calling

This is why I do youth work

To give the foolish wisdom

To gather wisdom from the foolish

To laugh so hard I cry

To cry until I can laugh

To protect the ones I love

To love the ones I protect 

To have my heart broken

To fight for broken hearts

To leave behind my family

To find my family here

To accept the rebels

To let rebels accept me

To show Jesus

To see Jesus

To make goodbyes harder than they would have been

And to know that it is not really goodbye

To share myself and be shared to

That is why I do youth work

This trip

You don't know me

You see only what you want

You let in what only you need

But I will keep coming

I will keep working hard

I will fight for myself

And as the backdrop

I will let myself out

I will prove my personality

And you will know me

And you will be sad to see me go

And you will wish you knew before

Saying these goodbyes

I knew it was coming

I'm doing better this time

But it hurts the same

Maybe more because it is compounded

And I hate it