Hope
I feel it
It is more than a concept
More than a state of mind
I'm giddy with it
For once I feel like I might have a chance
To make my life what it was intended to be

Hope
I sit here with it
Singing
Laughing
Nudging it with my elbow through knowing glances
But also waiting
Wishing

Hope
Holding onto dreams that seemed too big
Too far away
But knowing that maybe I will grow
Draw nearer
Like maybe,
Just maybe I will realize what I've always

Hope(d for)

Pasts

The old notebook, dates and times, 

pages of ancient text in my own handwriting

I type it out to you now

correcting bad grammar and spelling from a younger me

a me lost in emotion

caught between a smile and dark thoughts

I read it back now

The smile stays in each word

But the truth is there on it's haunches waiting

You say those words, that I was a treasure, and it pounces

I begin slowly

A truth I rarely tell

and you hesitate, it doesn't make sense

I agree, looking at those words

the pictures

the mask on the outside

but inside I see the scars from the thrashing and claws

Those words, moments, trapped in time and inside me

The scars still rise to my touch, away from the skin I hid them in

I can still feel the scrape of every word and the burn 

I show them now, I peel away the clothes of silence and repression

And as I peel I cry

Each salty tear trickling over the wounds

And you wait for me patiently while I huddle, exposed and cold, shaking

But you don't see me like this

To you I am more a treasure than before

Thank you

I gather my clothes, again hiding scars

but knowing that now they are fading

Just like the penciled words in that book

Sent back to the past

Default

I hate to tell you, but you are a default
You are the last resort
The person who, when there is no one left
And I feel like talking
And I look through my contacts
And those few people I actually look through my contacts for
Aren't online
I finally sigh
And look for your name

And tonight I'm frustrated
Because you didn't answer
When you had the absolute privilege
To chat
With me

Loss

Strands
Frayed edges to people
Who, after comforting
Keeping warm in cold nights,
Slip away
And in desperation
Reaching out
Grasping on to pieces
Pictures
Dreams
Memories
All that can be held
Are strings of a left over
Loved one
Disintegrating in hand
Until there is no trace
But an
Image
Filled in only by
Strands

Intercession

When you are strong and stubborn
I will fight for you

When you are alone and afraid
I will fight for you

When you have been wronged
I will fight for you

When no one else will believe you
I will fight for you

When you are at your worst
I will fight for you

When you think you've seen the end
I will fight for you

When your life feels pointless
I will fight for you

When you have big dreams
I will fight for you

And when everyone else has turned their back,
Labeled you then walked away
When the people you love have been stripped from you,
The people you trust have lowered their heads in disbelief
And you can't fight for yourself anymore

I will fight for you

Things unnoticed by the outside world

Empty pages turned
despite a lack of motion
trigger memories of the fallen
and those in respite

A link to a past
left deep in a dark pit
sunken between wrinkles
and thoughts lost

Ink spilled over time
and empty parchment
spread thin from years
and heavy wear

And you, always watching
from within the cave
of shame and remorse
found only in my own eyes

2 years

When lights fade softly
But love stays strong
When birds break silence
To sing their song
When I think of you
The whole day long
In these moments
A lifetime is not long
Enough
To be married to you