Pasts

The old notebook, dates and times, 

pages of ancient text in my own handwriting

I type it out to you now

correcting bad grammar and spelling from a younger me

a me lost in emotion

caught between a smile and dark thoughts

I read it back now

The smile stays in each word

But the truth is there on it's haunches waiting

You say those words, that I was a treasure, and it pounces

I begin slowly

A truth I rarely tell

and you hesitate, it doesn't make sense

I agree, looking at those words

the pictures

the mask on the outside

but inside I see the scars from the thrashing and claws

Those words, moments, trapped in time and inside me

The scars still rise to my touch, away from the skin I hid them in

I can still feel the scrape of every word and the burn 

I show them now, I peel away the clothes of silence and repression

And as I peel I cry

Each salty tear trickling over the wounds

And you wait for me patiently while I huddle, exposed and cold, shaking

But you don't see me like this

To you I am more a treasure than before

Thank you

I gather my clothes, again hiding scars

but knowing that now they are fading

Just like the penciled words in that book

Sent back to the past