Processing grief 1

 I’d rather remember you smiling

I heard the yelling

I heard the swearing

I felt that pain

I’d rather remember you smiling

I know there were bruises

I know there were secrets

I can sometimes still hear the lies

I’d rather remember you smiling

It’s true we were broken

It’s true there are still scars

I’d just rather remember you smiling

Because for every harsh word there were also sweet ones

And for every moment of pain there were warm and healing ones

And so many of my memories include laughter because you knew how to make me laugh

It’s not that I’m ignoring the pain. I’m not. It’s there and I will continue to work through it. 

You carried that pain too.

But when I remember you, I’d rather remember you smiling