The gap

We stand on two sides of a gap

Arms outstretched across it

Gripping tightly to each others hands

My greatest fear that one day

Realizing the gap between us

You will let go and wander off on your side of land

After all, you are prone to wander

Tonight as we held tightly I looked across to you

Into your eyes I looked deep and asked how strong our hands were

You flinched

It caused you to glance down 

And you took note of the gap

Soon you had let go to kneel down

You began to measure the distance in this gap

It's breadth and length and depth

And then you looked beyond me

The land on my side seemed so strange to you

You compared it to your land

I grew nervous, my hands cold and now shaking

I ventured to explain that the gap may not be so wide

That the land may not be so different

But you had already taken note

And now tired of comparison you resign

You state we shall never be on the same land

We shall never bridge this gap

And with that you sigh and curl up

You are facing me, on the other side

Asleep and a gap away

Progress

I sit, slouched, fingers poised, eyes slowly shutting, body slowly shutting down, mind engaging full throttle. Today. Today has been hard. Today's battle was new. Tomorrow will bring another one, another battle, a new one. But, in this, I will take hope; a new battle is progress because it means I have won the battles behind me. To fight for friendship is to have friends to fight for. To fight for love is to have love to fight for. To fight for self is to know a self worth fighting for. And so I will repeat these things, good friends, true love, worthy self. They are new ideas, new battles, uncharted territories for me. But ah! another thought: I will never fight these battles alone.

At odds with myself

My instincts and I are at odds
For years I told them they have served me well
I have applauded their quick actions in danger
I have commended their adapting to situations
I have even implored them to learn from mistakes
But now I am displeased with them
They have led me down paths against friendship
They have lured me to places of distrust
They have erected walls around me and my heart
Through scolding and redirection I must press on
Rewiring, brainwashing my instincts
Turns out, we all might have been wrong

Jesus at a coffee shop

He sits at the table alone with his book
As she orders he glances up
His eyes soften
His lips curl up
He recognizes her from his heart
His heart has beat for her
Every day
Every breath has been for this moment
Every moment has been for this time
She walks to the side of the counter and waits
He can feel it
His soul as it reaches out from within him
Towards her
Hoping to touch her cheek
Hoping for her to turn
To see him
She takes her coffee and leaves
Head down
Every day he returns
Every day he waits
Every day his soul reaches out
Until one day she will turn
And she will see him
The man who gave everything for her
The man whose heart longs for her
The heartthrob of humanity
Waiting to hold her in his arms
Forever

The Search

I type it in, just to see

Maybe it will make sense

Hit a chord with me 

or something

There are pictures of houses

Rooms and couches

Walls and words and books

But I keep scrolling

None of them show the words

That I cannot seem to place

At first I am watching each photo

But soon my finger scrolls

My eyes wander, waiting to spot it

And as they wander I wonder

If people really feel it ever

If they honestly have it

The photos don't convince me

I feel like I am on the outside

Watching and taking notes

But coming to no conclusion

Because how can you recognize 

something you have never seen

So, I, the foreigner will hope

That one day

I will gather all my loves

My memories and my dreams

All those people in whom my heart lies

They will come together

And I will ask to take a photo

And that, that will be as close as I will get

To finding Home

Deep

Like the rich color found in the ocean as you head out to the horizon
Like the night as you look between the twinkle of stars into space
Like the endless darkness enveloped by iris in eyes you stare into
Like the sinking in your stomach when you miss someone you love
This is where I sit, though on the floor, anchored to carpet and lights on around me
My thoughts sink deeper inside my head, swimming, soaring, staring, and sinking
I don't worry about when someone will pull me out
The emotions are raw here, but unexpressed, simply understood
I think about lessons learned, people met, loves lost, greater loves found
I wonder of the future and where it will lead, what it means, who I am
These ideas swarm around me like dragonflies, flapping and swishing
But I sit still, feeling the motion of the earth beneath me, the time moving through me
Life being lived around me, though mine seems to have slowed to a pause
In this pause I breathe, empty yet full.

From the room

The shadow has lifted
The fog has blown by
The muck and the grime
Have been washed, set to dry
The door is left open
Nothing left there to hide
The window is cracked
The light shines on the tile
The Savior is smiling
He is holding me near
As we walk from this room
Into a world wiped of fear