ping pong

back and forth
back and forth
back and forth
back and forth

that is my head. i see the good and the bad. then i see the bad and the good. i see one option, i see the other. neither are all bad, neither are all good. how patient must i be? how much should i do for myself? how much more pain can be handled? why should i wait that much longer?

back and forth

it hurts them, it helps them. it hurts me, it helps me. it's safe, it's our future. it's risky, it's my future. it makes sense, but so does the other one.

back and forth

so i pray. but it looks win win. it looks lose lose. it just keeps going

back and forth

like ping pong... till eventually i'm sure the ball will miss the table on one side and the other side will win. but when. and how will i know which side if i can't see the game? all i can do is listen to the sound of the ball going

back and forth

To those who love

to those who love, i present to you these wandering ideas
here i sit letting one of God's precious humans take up my thoughts
my memories...
*how his cologne smelt on his body
*the color of his eyes
*the sound of his voice when he whispered to me
*the way his hand felt in mine
*the flavor of gum he chewed
and i can't escape them.
but then again i don't want to.
I'm clinging to everything i can to keep him fresh in my mind so that when he returns i won't have forgotten. So that when he comes back he means just as much to me, if not (and hopefully) more, than when he had left. his faults included. they are all in my head and i'm grasping at them tightly.
I will never let you go, mi vida.
and i hope that you can see that i'm trying my hardest to share who i am with you even though you are far away. from funny moments, to hard questions, to my own healing heart.

i will wait

meh on phone cards

what i couldn't say to you today:

Y es asi, como ayer decias
Que iba a ser, la vida es tan
Simple ahora, sin tenerte.

Y sigo asi, palabras que me desnudan,
Me envuelven tanto las dudas,
La historia siempre continua.

Y no puedo dejarte de amar,
Y no puedo dejar de esperar.
No puedo perderte al final y
No te puedo olvidar
No se luchar, si no estas.

Y es asi, yo ya no creo en milagros
Si tu no estas a mi lado
Soy un velero en el mar; del pasado;

Y sigo asi, un soñador sin noches
Un alma sin destino,
Que paga por sus errores.

Y no puedo dejarte de amar
Y no puedo dejar de esperar,
No puedo perderte al final
Y no te puedo olvidar
No se vivir, si no estas.

Contigo aqui, el mundo me abre
Sus brazos, el tiempo gira despacio,
Soy el guardian del calor; de tus labios

Si vuelvo a ti, sere quien guie tu norte,
El faro de tus sentidos que te querra para
siempre.

Y no puedo dejarte de amar,
Y no puedo dejar de esperar.
No puedo perderte al final
Y no te puedo olvidar,
No se luchar, Si no estas.

(reik y kalimba.. No Puedo Dejarte De Amar)

surreality

oh man, oh MAN
i swear this is not my life.
did it get switched out with someone else's?
what does he see in me?
and the actual me too... because if i was anyone with him it was myself
so surreal... and yet...
yep, this is my life
the same conflicts in school
the same tired and heavy eyes
if i am tired i cannot be in a dream
and if this is a dream
well, to avoid the obvious
i could sleep forever even if it meant waiting for you
sigh

ha
ha
but the true test comes
what will happen when we talk

ON THE PHONE?




(praying for wisdom and guidance)