At odds with myself

My instincts and I are at odds
For years I told them they have served me well
I have applauded their quick actions in danger
I have commended their adapting to situations
I have even implored them to learn from mistakes
But now I am displeased with them
They have led me down paths against friendship
They have lured me to places of distrust
They have erected walls around me and my heart
Through scolding and redirection I must press on
Rewiring, brainwashing my instincts
Turns out, we all might have been wrong

Jesus at a coffee shop

He sits at the table alone with his book
As she orders he glances up
His eyes soften
His lips curl up
He recognizes her from his heart
His heart has beat for her
Every day
Every breath has been for this moment
Every moment has been for this time
She walks to the side of the counter and waits
He can feel it
His soul as it reaches out from within him
Towards her
Hoping to touch her cheek
Hoping for her to turn
To see him
She takes her coffee and leaves
Head down
Every day he returns
Every day he waits
Every day his soul reaches out
Until one day she will turn
And she will see him
The man who gave everything for her
The man whose heart longs for her
The heartthrob of humanity
Waiting to hold her in his arms
Forever

The Search

I type it in, just to see

Maybe it will make sense

Hit a chord with me 

or something

There are pictures of houses

Rooms and couches

Walls and words and books

But I keep scrolling

None of them show the words

That I cannot seem to place

At first I am watching each photo

But soon my finger scrolls

My eyes wander, waiting to spot it

And as they wander I wonder

If people really feel it ever

If they honestly have it

The photos don't convince me

I feel like I am on the outside

Watching and taking notes

But coming to no conclusion

Because how can you recognize 

something you have never seen

So, I, the foreigner will hope

That one day

I will gather all my loves

My memories and my dreams

All those people in whom my heart lies

They will come together

And I will ask to take a photo

And that, that will be as close as I will get

To finding Home

Deep

Like the rich color found in the ocean as you head out to the horizon
Like the night as you look between the twinkle of stars into space
Like the endless darkness enveloped by iris in eyes you stare into
Like the sinking in your stomach when you miss someone you love
This is where I sit, though on the floor, anchored to carpet and lights on around me
My thoughts sink deeper inside my head, swimming, soaring, staring, and sinking
I don't worry about when someone will pull me out
The emotions are raw here, but unexpressed, simply understood
I think about lessons learned, people met, loves lost, greater loves found
I wonder of the future and where it will lead, what it means, who I am
These ideas swarm around me like dragonflies, flapping and swishing
But I sit still, feeling the motion of the earth beneath me, the time moving through me
Life being lived around me, though mine seems to have slowed to a pause
In this pause I breathe, empty yet full.

From the room

The shadow has lifted
The fog has blown by
The muck and the grime
Have been washed, set to dry
The door is left open
Nothing left there to hide
The window is cracked
The light shines on the tile
The Savior is smiling
He is holding me near
As we walk from this room
Into a world wiped of fear

To my official friend

My friend lives far away
Today I miss him so
The distance seems much longer
The longer on we go
I don't know when we'll meet again
I don't know how or why
I do know that in missing him
I laugh and sometimes cry
I'm writing him this poem
Because sometimes I suck
At telling people how I feel
So today, my friend, you're in luck
I hope that when you read this
A smile comes to your face
And that somehow these words I write
Will feel like my embrace
I'm glad we have our friendship
Though others don't understand
A heavenly friendship on earth
Just gives us the upper hand
So even though I'm having a good time
With the man that I love more and most
Just know that in all this I miss you
And I love you even more than french toast

Caged Monster

Monster on the inside
Hands wrapped up in chains
Bars holding monster back
Trapped inside a cage
Owner walks over
Whip held in hand
Ready to be sure
Monster follows all demands
Cowering and shaking
Curled up on the floor
Monster whimpers softly
Hoping to be monster no more
But size and teeth will conquer
Perceptions will prevail
Monster will stay inside the cage
Growing older, sad, and frail